Tuesday, August 11, 2009


this is my view on language use by men and women....

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.
Bill Cosby

A great debate rages as to whether there exists a difference in the way men and women communicate. The feminist movement tried to equate the two sexes, claiming the only differences are biological. Objective reality and everyday life, however, proves that men’s and women’s speech and talk differ considerably. Different perspectives on the view of the same issues cause confusion, misinterpretation and therefore misunderstanding. There is noticeable dissimilarity not only in the use of language by men and women but in the language they use.
In her article “Sex, Sighs, and Conversation,” Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics dealing with gender differences in language use, argues that men and women have goals and ways of expression in communication innately different from one another. From a general look, women are usually more talkative and expressive in their speech whereas men prefer to keep silence and are more neutral in the ideas they express, unless the topic they speak about is sports, politics or there is a necessity to impress a woman or conquer her heart. Women are seemingly or actually more talkative because they tend to speak in longer sentences with plethora of adjectives, epithets, and emotionally colored words. They are visually and aurally more expressive because they contribute to what they mean by gestures, facial impressions, variations in tone and timbre. Men, in turn, appear in women’s eyes to be cold rude animals without any feelings or ability to understand because they speak in short abrupt sentences with neutral vocabulary and only when they think that there is a real need to say something. Worse than their inability to speak is their inability to listen to a complete story or event because they will stop you with constructive-in-their-opinion comments or questions completely unconnected to what you are speaking about.
The lack of listening skills is embellished by the use of language which turns to be a more sophisticated and troublesome issue. When something bad happens, what a woman wants and needs is just talking. She is not looking for immediate solutions which men are ready to offer; all she needs is to tell someone close about her problems, feelings, emotions and the only thing she wants is to be listened to and heard. Probably, not so much heard?! To please her in her confession, because any problem-report will definitely turn to a confession, men could listen quietly first and then slowly get deeply involved into exploration of why this happened, what led to it, looking attentively at all tiny details of the event, because the tiny details are always the most important. Missing tiny things we can miss the whole essence of the event. However incredible it can be but men do not pay attention to small things.
Instead of noticing details such as who said what, how he or she looked at him or her, what implications that word or intonation had, men prefer global problems and global solutions. Globalization of speech is noticeable in topics men choose because they prefer to speak about politics and sports. It is very important who will win the next election, and why and how the country’s situation will change. They discuss fine football strategies spending countless hours predicting the next champion. However, when women speak about upcoming sales and the opportunities for personal improvement or about their friends’ daughter’s new boyfriend, men call it worthless gossiping. Why don’t men realize that what “the female searches for is connections” and speaking, sharing ideas, thoughts, events of everyday life is the best way to create these connections?
Life shows that men and women are different both biologically and in communication. Because a conversation helps find friends and make enemies, solve problems and worsen a positive situation, women like to relish each word of the story. The more words are said, the more enjoyable the story is. The more words you share, the more unity it creates. Men, because of the way they communicate, in many women’s eyes are severe, impolite, and unfeeling. A man and a woman therefore will never understand each other because they have different expectations and outcomes from a conversation. But isn’t it what makes our life more interesting?!

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